DEMONS R US
by ilikeevildoods
Summary: Sesshomaru needs to buy some new boots and armor, so he decides to go to Demons R Us. Who or what will he meet there?
1. Default Chapter

**Demons R Us**

Sesshomaru's pov-

I need some new armor. My damned brother cracked it-I need to stop underestimating him. Stupid half breed, keeps interferring with my plan of finding Nara-oh no. Is that a speck of dirt I see on my boots! Oh, god no. No no no no no this can't be happening.

"Rin, do you have any tissues?"

"No, Sesshomaru-sama, I'm sorry."

"Any toilet paper?"

"No."

Shit. If the mud dries, my beautiful boots shall be stained forever! Noooo!

"Sesshomaru-sama, is something wrong? You look worried.."

"No, Rin. Everything is fine."

'But everything is _not_ fine, **is** it? I must find something to wipe my boots with. Preferably some kleenex... This is the time for.. DEMONS R US..!'


	2. The clay wench and Kurama the poser

I walk in Demons R Us. It is disgustingly dirty-as usual. Just because it suits demons, doesn't mean it can't have any sanitation. Heh, lower class demons. Those suckers.

"Se-Sesshoumaru-sama! I-It is an honor to have your presence here o-once again! W-would you like a-anything?"

The clerk is getting over excited again and is stuttering. He always does. It annoys the heck out of me-why must I be the only person in this damned world who knows how to have a flawless conversation?

"I am looking for boots and armor." The clerk gasps and points to an isle with a trembling finger. Then he rushes away as if he's afraid. Heh, good. I like it when people are afraid.

I walk past several isles. I see the usual customers. Hiei walks up to me and asks me whether he should buy the black or the black. I'm starting to think I'm the only sane (and pretty) one here. Kurama is in another isle and, fortunately for him, isn't in his Youko form. That poser. Sometimes he's pretty, little, flower girl and others, he's _vicous, Sesshomaru-wannabe_ foxy man. Oh how I hate him. I'll have to remind Jaken to add him to my list of.. "Future-victims". Although, I probably won't have time, dealing with Jaken and Rin. Ever since I took in those two, they've been looking at me all googly-eyed and as if I were some kind of attatched, loving parent. As if.

All right, maybe Rin's okay. But not Jaken-definitely not him.

I see the clay wench is in the playdoh section again. She's fixing one of her arms that were sliced off from Naraku. She never learns, does she? No matter how hard she stabs that piece of green playdoh into her stump of an arm, she will never completely attatch it.

.. Speaking of a stump of an arm, I'm still pissed at Inuyasha. That asshole is really getting on my nerves, popping up everywhere like that.

Not _everywhere, _you sicko.

Ewww omg I can see Naraku's ugly head peeping out of one of the isles. He needs to wash his hair-he looks like Snape from Harry Potter or something.

... Malfoy was so hot. He could kick Potter's ass anyday.


	3. Naraku gets served

Anyway, so I'm walking down the isle and now I see that Kohaku biotch. That bastard tried to kill Rin-I will make sure he pays.

But not today. I have much more important things to do-like buy armor and my precious boots.

FINALLY, I get to the boots section. Ahh sweet glory. Soon I will be happily reunited with my-no. Nevermind, I'm _never_ happy. Or at least that's what everyone else thinks. Kukukukukuku!

My last pair of boots are illuminated by a godly light and I can just see myself wearing those lovely accessories right now.

But what's this! Naraku is taking **my** last pair!

"Naraku, what do you think you're doing?"

"Ah, Sesshoumaru, we meet again."

"Unhand my boots, you disgusting fiend. I do not wish to fight."

"It takes one to know one, Sesshoumaru."

Now a bunch of demons are crowding around me, screaming, "Ooooh! You got served!"

.. This is really starting to annoy me.

"Naraku, I will give you one last chance merely because I pity the way you will look after my anger takes a hold of you. Now hand over the boots."

"No way, Jose!"

Naraku is using corny lines that are even older than me. That biotch.

Oh, I know what I'll do. Teehee this will be fun.

"Fine, Naraku. Keep those boots. After all, you'll need them to improve your image due to your bad eyeshadowed face."

Naraku has a shocked look on his face, then a look of pain flashes through his eyes.

Haha, this is funny.

"Se-Sesshoumaru! You will never get away with this-we'll meet again!" Naraku is now taking off with his hoard of demons as if he's trying to copy my fluffy Goku cloud. But his cloud is ugly, unlike mine which is shiny and fluffy (but not as fluffy as my pelt which I've named "Fluffaz" kukukuku)

"Dammit, Naraku, how many times have I told you to stop blowing holes in my roof!" The clerk yells. If he thinks _Naraku_ causes a lot of damage, wait till he sees my half brother, Inuyasha. That half breed would destroy the whole store for all I care.

So now I have my boots. I need to go get my armor, though. It's getting late and Jaken has probably already run out of stories to tell Rin. Rin gets hyper when she doesn't have anything to occupy her. And hyper Rin is scary Rin who loves to torment Jaken.

I'll take my time.


	4. Kagura's obsession with makeup and Narak...

Now I can see Kagura stealing makeup. She just saw me and then she winked and pointed to a picture of Naraku while imitating to choke herself.

Wait. A picture of Naraku? Wtf is this store selling these days!

Anyway, now she's given up and she has resorted to stealing more red lipstick. I really don't understand why demon women put lipstick on their _lips_-they could use it for so much more. Like, for example, if they run out of eyeshadow, they could use it like I do. I am _so _awesome.

After watching Kagura scurrying around, which was an interesting sight, considering she was running around in a tight kimono (that hoe), I finally get to the armor section. No one will stop me this time-I beat the shit out of that wimpy Naraku. Trying to be prettier than I, oh no he didn't!

Gackt is prettier than me, though. TT **_I_** should be the prettiest of them all!

Omg.

It can't be.

It's...


	5. GUESS WHO!

INUYASHA! OO!

He's picking out armor (that looks exactly like MINE!) and he's trying it on! THAT POSER!

"Hello, dear brother."

He finally hears me with his half breed ears and slowly turns toward me with a horrified expression.

"Se-Sesshoumaru."

"I didn't know you wore _armor,_ Inuyasha."

His eyes start shifting around then he throws himself out of a nearby window. That baka.

Now I'm at the register (and it's five o'clock, which means that Jaken is probably too mentally scarred to save). A demon cuts me in line-oh no he didn't!

"What do you think you're doing, you sad excuse for dirt?"

He turns and looks at me with really scared eyes. He should have thought about who I was _before_ he cut me. Now he shall pay.

"L-Lord Sesshoumaru! I didn't think you were in line!"

I draw my sword and kill him, but no one notices-after all, this _is _a store for demons. Anyway, I'm Lord Sesshoumaru, the hottest demon lord of them all. Mufufufufuufufufu..

Wow, Sara's at the cash register. I thought she died?

"Lord Sesshoumaru! Pleaseeee let me come with you to travel! Please! I came back to life for you!"

She sounded a lot more noble when she was dying, but this is just sad.

"You don't want to make a mistake."

"Oh, but it's what I want!"

This woman just won't quit, will she? I guess I have no choice. I slam fifty dollars (armor and boots are surprisingly cheap in the feudal era, since there's no government) and run for it.

Holy crap she's gaining! She must have sold her soul to _more_ demons! I quickly dive into some bushes near a hot spring but am soon bombarded by my fans.

Now one of them is petting my fluff! Noooooo!

Running again. This time they'll _never_ catch me!

Those demented ningen women better stop following me, or else they'll find their heads up their

"Sesshoumaru-sama! What took you so long? I was worried.."

Great, it's Rin. She's adorable and all, but sometimes she just gets on my freakin nerves. Why, I remember the last time we walked into a toy store. Never again.

"Rin, not now."

"But Sesshoumaru-sama!"

"Rin."

Rin pouts and walks away sadly. That won't work on me this time. Oh, no..

.. She's turning towards me.. I know what's coming..!

PUPPY EYES!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

"All right, Rin, what do you want?"

"Can Rin please dig up Jaken?"

Oo. Wait. What?

"Rin, where IS Jaken?"

Rin points to a pile of dirt with two green arms sticking out.

Funny. I didn't notice that before.

"Yes, Rin, you may dig Jaken up."

... My life is so effed up-I should have gone to college..

.. Now Rin is running around me in circles TT

Make the spazzing stop...!

I know that in one hour, I will be driven crazy by her unnecessary ranting.

1 hour later

MARYHADALITTLELAMBLITTLELAMBMARYHADALITTLELAMBWHOSEFEETWEREWHITEASSNOWANDEVERYWHERETHATMARY

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(... Mary's "lamb" seems like a stalker, in my opinion...)


	6. Author's note

I'm not done with this story, but I'll get to making the final chapter ;; still working on some more angsty fics which I hope will be up soon!

Ja ne!


End file.
